Not every superhero gets to leap over tall buildings in a single bound or stop speeding bullets — for every Superman, there’s a Swamp-Man or a Matter-Eater Lad, the superfreaks you just have to feel a little sorry for. Well, now there’s a whole website that takes this idea to the extreme, creating videos and wacky illustrations highlighting the stupidest superpowers imaginable. Like, for instance —
Healing punch!
Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Too bad your ferocious fists instantly heal the damage you inflict. Whereas most punches would deliver a crushing Ivan Drago-like knockout. Yours leave your opponent feeling amazingly refreshed and rejuvenated. At least until he counters with an uppercut to your esophagus.
13th bullet bulletproof
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Boink.
Polarrhoids
When it comes to superheroes, a lot can happen in the blink of an eye. Like saving distressed damsels along train tracks, scooping up fallen tweens before they plunge into Niagara Falls, or lunch-time quickies in the Hall of Justice bathroom. For this superhero, the blink of an eye means something quite different. That’s because every time he blinks, he produces a Polaroid of whatever he was looking at. We’re not completely sure where the photos come out. But we have an idea.
What’s the most useless superpower you can think of?